OT: HAS ANYONE HERE EVER BEEN IN A DIVORCE?

[The Amazing Mutato]

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. Just last week she said that she needed time alone. The only problem is, we never hardly see each other. I see her maybe 2 hours a day if that. She told me that she never got to be a teenager and go have fun.*(BTW she is 25). She has a son, that is my step son. I have been with him since day one, and we are very close. So yesterday I moved into my parents house for a little while. She said that we should live apart for a week to see how it goes.


Do you guys think that this is a lost cause, or do you think this is something we can work out?

I need someone's opition who has gone through a similar situation.

[tatoman2525]

I was married for 8 years and went through a divorce. It is never easy when children are involved. Having to part away from my daughter was the toughest situation I have yet faced as a human being. It took me a while to understand that although I do not live under the same roof as my daughter, my daily communication and my unconditional love has build a barrier that nothing can bring down between my little girl and me. Women come and go, bro. Sounds like indeed you wife needs a lot of growing up to do. Regardless the outcome, there are plenty of them out there that may be worth your time and commitment.

Good luck, bro

[Tablehead]

It could go either way-

My first wife did the same thing when my son was 2 years old.

A few years later I met my (ever so cool) 2nd wife & life's been great-

Good luck with this,
it's tough at first~

[The Amazing Mutato]

Thanks guys. I just feel like a big wussy. I have cried for the past week. The funny thing is, I am taking MMA classes and get to take my frustration out on other people. TAP OUT! I SAID, TAP OUT!!!!!!!:mad:

[Spork]

She likes someone and wants to date them. Basically, without you there, she doesn't have to sneak around or answer why she's doing things like going out, drinking, acting like an idiot (hence why she says she never had fun as a teenager). It's all BS. Don't take this crap. Put your foot down, tell her there's more important things than "being a teenager and having fun". If it doesn't work, it wasn't going to work anyway, and if you don't do it, you'll feel emasculated forever by the dumbass she's going to shack up with you have to see whenever you go to her house.

[tatoman2525]

Thanks guys. I just feel like a big wussy. I have cried for the past week. The funny thing is, I am taking MMA classes and get to take my frustration out on other people. TAP OUT! I SAID, TAP OUT!!!!!!!:mad:

Divorce can actually be a good thing sometimes. It may be hard to believe that at first, but life goes on and you learn a lot, especially about yourself. Stick to what you are doing (MMA). When I was going through my divorce I began concentrating on myself. I got back into the gym, lost 75lbs. and have been in great shape since then (5 years). You'll be fine, bro. Regardless the outcome, keep yourself busy. You also become more cautious when it comes to settling down with your next girl, which may help you make better decisions in your relationship.

[WizardofAUS]

we seem to have a lot of broken marriages here on the Spawn board.... kinda depressing me, me being an 18 year old and all, i prbly have this to look forward to eh?

[Addicted 2 Collecting]

Marriage can be very stressfull. I am on my second, almost ready to end that. Just keep your head up bro.

[moviemaniac4]

I got divorced, she left me.....we have three kids....

Then a year later she wanted to get back.......yeah, right......

We are friends now.....

All separations are different......

Only you and her can figure out if is worth been toguether for the rest of your life....

[The Amazing Mutato]

Thanks guys. I think between beating the living crap out of people, and watching The Office on DVD, I will be able to tolerate the next week or so.

[MD DRAGON]

on my second marriage. soooooo glad to be rid ofthe first wife. the one I have now is awesome. divorce can lead to wonderful things, however I did miss seeing my son growing up. I moved to Maryland for work, and he was in upstate NY. only saw him on certain holidays. that part sucked!!!

[Spawnomite]

Just work through it and give it time. If you really love each other, then everything will be fine.

[bborst]

we seem to have a lot of broken marriages here on the Spawn board.... kinda depressing me, me being an 18 year old and all, i prbly have this to look forward to eh?
Then let's add another. I was married for 2 years, however I got so tired of my wifes incredibly childish behavior that I left her... for another woman. :o I have a 8-year old son who's understanding and I see him once a month now that I've moved to Arizona. But my new marriage is nothing but simply amazing, this will be my 2nd anniversary with my new wife.

Divorce sucks, especially when the wife is crazy.

[The Amazing Mutato]

I know many here don't have anything to do with GOD, but I hope he helps me out. Keep me in your prayers guys.:o

[BiBLE]

Get a divorce.
Best thing you will ever do.

[7th samurai]

That's tough. I agree with a fellow poster, that maybe she found someone who excites her in a way that you can't. I don't mean that in a negative way. You are her husband, so there are some fantasies that she probably wants to become reality, not really thinking about the long term ramifications.We all like to fantasize in one way or another, but rarely do we live them out. I would question her on what she really wants, a short time of having some fun or the rest of her life with the man that she made a commitment to and you in turn commiting to her.Marriage is a huge decision in life and it seems a lot of people just get married for the convenience of living arrangements and sex. I look at my wife and tell her everyday that I love her, because I actually do. GOD has blessed me with such a wonderful wife and three great kids, the two older ones are hers but I adopted them. We've been married for 9 years, but have been together for 11. though we have had some disagreements and we have been very angry with one another, never in my life would I think about seperating or divorcing her.
All you can do is make the effort to keep your marriage together, but you can't force or convince your wife to do anything. She is going to have to find it in herself and not outside influences to understand what is right for her. I pray for you.

[TheWho]

Been there, done that. Anyway, it's pretty obvious she found someone else and you're getting the boot*.

Providing for another dude's kid and taking that kinda crap from someone who's old enough to know what she wants and whose main concern should be her son's wellbeing? You don't need that **** man. Good riddance.


* One day, you are madly in love. You're cuddling on the couch, reading love poems and feeding each other sushi. And that's when it happens: Your partner sits you down for the "It's-Not-You, It's-Me" talk. You're confused and left wondering, "How could I have missed the signs?"

Breaking up is never easy. Your ego and heart are bound to get bruised. But if you could just see the breakup coming, it might make the whole business easier to stomach. While hindsight is 20/20, there are always warning signals along the way.

Top five signs you're about to get dumped:


1. Picking fights.

No one is saying you have to get along 24/7. Constructive conflict can actually be good for your relationship. But if you find that your partner has become argumentative over petty issues like your clothes or choice of restaurant, that should serve as a warning sign that he/she may be looking for an excuse to bail.


2. Forgetting to call.

Used to be that your phone would ring all day long with your sweetie wanting to make plans or calling just to say, "I love you." Now your significant other doesn't even call when he/she is running three hours late. It may seem obvious, but going from speed dial to a blocked number is a sure sign that your relationship may be nearing its expiration date.


3. Changing their stripes.

A major change in appearance can be a sign that your partner is looking toward greener pastures. Whether they've chopped off their hair, lost 40 pounds or gone from a bold brunette to a sultry blonde, major cosmetic changes should be noted. Of course, there's nothing wrong with being a little vain, but if the change is accompanied by any of the other signs listed here, you may need to get ready to go solo.


4. Criticizing.

If your sweetie isn't feeling you anymore, don't be surprised if he/she becomes less tolerant of everything, from how you brush your teeth to how you tie your shoes. Constant criticism is a telltale sign that your days as a twosome are numbered.

5. Losing sexual interest.

A healthy sex life can make or break a relationship. If you find that your partner is becoming more sexually aloof, you need to get to the root of the issue. While it's natural to have less sex as you settle into a comfortable groove together, waiting weeks or months to have sexual contact is a sign that something is amiss.

Now that you know the warning signs, don't panic. Just because your partner exhibits some of these behaviors, that doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over. In fact, it's usually a combination of signs and not one isolated incident that foreshadows a breakup.

If you're worried that your partner is itching to get out, the most important thing you can do is sit down and discuss your issues in an honest and open manner. If you take these signs as your cue to improve communication, your relationship may just have a fighting chance.

[The Amazing Mutato]

Well I got 3 of the 5 problems you are describing The Who. That's not a good sign.:(

[KIDD]

well im going through the same thing right now and the best advise i can give you is take one day at a time. pretend u have another girl friend and shell be all pissed and come back. thats when you make her sweat. cause thats where im at right now

[Chip]

Sorry to say this but I think you should let her go get that greener grass that she's looking for and think that she's found. She has already emotionally detached from you and you have no hope because she is emotionally involved with someome else. If you try to stay around, it will only get worse, the more you try to hold on the more she will pull away. I know that this is hard but you have to be strong for you and take care of yourself.

I know this from first hand knowledge.

[Furious1]

well im going through the same thing right now and the best advise i can give you is take one day at a time. pretend u have another girl friend and shell be all pissed and come back. thats when you make her sweat. cause thats where im at right now

Niiice

[evilundertaker]

well,my wife and i almost broke up about a year ago.....coldness,nitpicking.....i got the " i don't know what i want,i need time to think!" talk.....so,i was despondent for a few weeks....so i concentrated on my kids,and taking care of them...at the same time,i continued to love my wife,even if she didn't love me...we worked it out,and now this weekend we're going to a bed and breakfast for 3 days for our anniversary.....every relationship is different...only the 2 of you can decide if it's worth it or not....

[joe0750]

My wife left and slapped me with an EPO but never divorced me for 2 years. We never talk unless she needs something from me which is like every 3 months. Last week, she received papers in the mail for a divorce. I have waited all this time for her to return and be with me and no effort on her part, so I just filed.

[joe0750]

P.S. she never got to go party either because of her mom. Now she is 29 and free of me and party, party party as far as I can tell.

[moviemaniac4]

Maybe she wants a bigger....















JAWS

http://www.spawn.com/toys/movies/mm4/jaws/images/mm4_jaws_photo_02_dl.jpg

:D

[LA.SPARKS.FAN]

Being apart is hard either way. If the boards make you happy-then stay here with us.

[Disconnekted]

Women are crazy and even more insecure than we are.Be strong for yourself,but also be honest with her.Let her know whats she means to you and remind her of how you have been there for her.

If you find yourself thinking that you could have done a better job as a husband,make the effort now to repair the breach.

If she doesn't care about your honest effort,its time to move on.

Hang in there man.

[bonedust]

time alone = new weener.

harsh, but true. been there, done that.

[Trufinfan13]

Man you guys are giving really great advice. I, too, am going through something very similar to the OP. Honestly, I want nothing more than to stay with her but at the same time, at this point, to her I’m like knock yourself out.

If you think you can find someone better than me, go for it. Like the other posters have said, go out, try and meet women and stay busy. Look at it like it’s a great opportunity to catch up on lost time – to be able to do things you wouldn’t normally be able to do married.

My wife and I got together in my early 20's, and I'm 30 now. And I wondered what exciting adventures could I have had if I held out getting attached. I didnt feel like I got it out of my system. Whether I get back together with her or not really doesnt matter at this point. All I know is I'm going to take advantage of the break and have FUN.

[Spanky2324]

Yeah I'm only 20 and been with my girl for 4 years now. At first she hated the fact of me starting to collect figures and vinyl. Couldn't stand my craving for speed and horsepower. Hated the fact of knowing that my body would be induced with ink forever. After a while she gave in and supports my "addictions" . We have had many arguments and fights but I see i'm the one to cause at times with my anger problem and telling her that I need time in which I do. I don't need to see her 24 hours out of the day we both have friends so lets go see them. Anyways Mutato hold your head up. Were here to help and support you through times like these. My grandma died about a week ago along with my cars alternator going out and a few other problems so I just turned to the spawn boards and read topics and posted to keep my mind off of things. If you became really close with your step son thats good don't lose it because a father figure is always a great thing to have and talk to her about it and see if you could take him out every once in a while.

[Inxlinx]

The advice I would give is go and find a respectable pastor and go for counseling with your wife. My parents are going through a seperation right now and they said they wished they had seen a pastor to sort out their problems. he may have the insight and wisdomw you both may need to work it out, for the better. It is harder when children are involved. Personally, I've never been married, so I don't know what it would be like for a married couple. But I've seen how it has affected my younger sisters a bit from time to time. Hope all works out for the better for you and your wife. God Bless.

[Lone_Samurai]

My ex wife TOOK ALL MY ****....STUPID *****.

[EL Uno]

Could i be the grand daddy of all divorces on here? Me thinks so.
10 years married 12 together total. Never even anything more than a loud dissagreement about trivial things in all those years. It all fell apart in about 1 month. Mainly because i refuse to play the games and i moved on. Painful but necessary.

[FACEBOX]

Yup. It will hurt like hell, but it is necessary. :(
She is showing signs of moving on, and so should you.

[mmevile]

If you hardly see her already & she's asking for time alone........could a 3rd person already be involved here? Sorry to bum you out possibly more, but the situation lends itself to those questions.

Sorry to hear it btw.

[watts]

Brudda- It's not about being sukker punched... it's about how you handle it afterwards.

I had 2 daughters from my first marriage & yeah- them not being there hurts like crap.
Told myself I would spend a year on myself getting back who I was...

But maybe that's jumping the gun for where yer at.
Yeah- angry/hurt barely describe where yer at right now... & I feel for you.
I don't pray much brudda- but I will for getting you a little more (emotional) strength.
You'll pull thru NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENs!!!

[GreenOcean]

You two can get back together or end up in divorce. Either way it is for the better. Marriage will be stronger after some trial and test, but if it is not meant to be a divorce is better than a bad marriage. You can get over a divorce in a few years, but bad marriage can condemn you for life.

[rxsheepxr]

we seem to have a lot of broken marriages here on the Spawn board.... kinda depressing me, me being an 18 year old and all, i prbly have this to look forward to eh?

Not all hope is lost, young'un. I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years strong now, and she's a geek just like me. It's possible to be happy, I think marriage actually ruins some of it, to be honest.

[Mr. Wiggity Man]

Not all hope is lost, young'un. I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years strong now, and she's a geek just like me. It's possible to be happy, I think marriage actually ruins some of it, to be honest.

That's what its seemed like to me man, from people I know personally n'stuff. So I can't say I'm too keen on ever getting married.

[gustusbear]

don't talk to us .. talk to HER.

[Addicted 2 Collecting]

Thanks guys. I think between beating the living crap out of people, and watching The Office on DVD, I will be able to tolerate the next week or so.

You need to get more angry at her then sad about it. You guys took a vow, she wants time apart, that is something that she is throwing at you. Basically she is saying she doesnt want this anymore, but let's take some time apart so I can be sure. Which is all BS, ask yourself this how would she react if you wanted time apart?

[Trance Viper]

Been married seven years, have 2 kids and one on the way.

We're doing good, but my wife did the same thing. She didn't want time alone or anything, she just gave me the whole, "I never got to do the teenager/college thing," "I grew up too fast" yada yada yada.

I told her it's overrated and a complete waste of time as a wannabe lifestyle of a married parent. Going out and getting drunk is fun, but there's tons of people who are stuck "being a teenager / college kid / enjoying their youth" and they're like 35 and have gotten nowhere in life. But went ahead and let her fulfill her appaprent "void" by letting her go out with her friends to bars and what not........and that lasted about a month and 1/2. After continually getting hit on by drunk 40 year olds and waking up almost every weekend with a headache she gave it up. That was 4 years ago, and she on and off apologized for a couple years after that. She apologized every now and then about how bad she felt that she would go out and party while I was home with our daughter. She completely regretted doing the party scene. So lesson learned.

Your situation seems a little deeper though given the fact that she wants all kinds of time alone even though you hardly see each other.

The blunt truth = if all you say is correct, then it would REALLY seem like she is wanting someone else. I'm no shrink, but that would be my uneducated guess.

Either way, good luck with the whole ordeal. I've never seen these things be easy or pretty.

[shawnspookcity]

Not all hope is lost, young'un. I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years strong now, and she's a geek just like me. It's possible to be happy, I think marriage actually ruins some of it, to be honest.
yep. I've been with my wife for over 6 years now and we're still perfectly happy.

[Trance Viper]

It's possible to be happy, I think marriage actually ruins some of it, to be honest.

It's a mindset thing. I think because a lot of people for some stupid reason feel trapped when they get married. Like there's no getting out. They're afraid of THE REAL COMMITMENT.

OH well, I guess I'd rather that than someone who treats marriage like renting a movie and just divorce once the fun is over. :rolleyes:

It it possible to successfully do it the "textbook" way. See each other for a couple years, get married (Not because she's pregnant), enjoy each other for a couple years during marriage, then decide to have kids.

It's really not all that scarce, so anyone reading this, rest assured that a "normal" marriage is achievable. It's just that people seem to be looking more for bad marriages than good ones. You don't hear much in Hollywood how "happy" a couple is. It's usually the dirt everyone's interested in.

[TheWho]

Could i be the grand daddy of all divorces on here? Me thinks so.
10 years married 12 together total. Never even anything more than a loud dissagreement about trivial things in all those years. It all fell apart in about 1 month. Mainly because i refuse to play the games and i moved on. Painful but necessary.

What the hell happened in that month? Seems like an interesting story and it might help Mutato to read it. That and it will satisfy my morbid curiosity.

[The Amazing Mutato]

Well guys, we had a long conversation, and am filing for Divorce today. She says she loves me soooo much, but want to be alone. I don't understand this. So I told her that I am not playing any more games, and I am filing today. She was super angry when I said this. But I can't take anymore pain. Thank god I have MMA class tonight. I can take out my anger there. I will be cancelling my broadband in the next couple of days, and fully moving out. But I will talk to you guys on my breaks at work. Thanks for all of your support. You all are the best. God Bless.:o

[evilundertaker]

i feel for you Mutato....and all my best...if this is what feels right,then you should do it....

i honestly beleive at some point,unless it's absolutely perfect,EVERY marriage gets to a point where one,if not both, partners get antsy and wonder if they made a mistake,if someone else is out there.....it's a natural part of life.....how many times,even though you loved them,did you wish you could have different parents,or your brothers or sisters would just go away? marriage is the same....after so many years with the same person you can go a little crazy...their cute little quirks could become annoying habits,and you go through whole days without saying i love you or any kind of physical contact...

is it the end? absolutely not! a marriage CAN be salavaged once it reaches this point...sometimes this could be the wake-up call to rekindle the love you once had,as you step away from your mate only to discover you DON'T want to live without them...unfortunately,the opposite can also be true,and i've witnessed many a marriage be destroyed beyond repair when one goes out and tries to calm the restles spirit by relations with others,to the point of sleeping with them,only to discover when this "phase" is over and they realize they want their husband/wife,that he/she is lost to them becuase they took it to far with someone else....

like i said,each relationship/marriage is it's own entity,and only those involved can decide if it's worth salvaging......when you served her the papers,you most likely shattered her world...she figured she could go out and have some fun,with the knowledge in the back of her head that when/if she decided to stop being an ass,then she could return to you....you have now removed the safe-fallback option for her,and that's why she's pissed....either now she makes it on her own,or not at all....i fgiure she will do one of 2 things when she calms down:

A) begs to come back...she made a mistake,she really loves you,she's sorry,etc...
B) she'll be pissed off and possibly jump into a bit of promiscuity to cope,to kill the pain of what you did....she also most likely won't talk to you for a long time...

[mmevile]

Sadly, in order for a marriage to work....1 person has to be the submissive. ;) So you're next girl....make sure she's a trainwreck (daddy issues or abandonment issues are good) -- she will never leave you no matter what you do.

[Trance Viper]

i feel for you Mutato....and all my best...if this is what feels right,then you should do it....

i honestly beleive at some point,unless it's absolutely perfect,EVERY marriage gets to a point where one,if not both, partners get antsy and wonder if they made a mistake,if someone else is out there.....it's a natural part of life.....how many times,even though you loved them,did you wish you could have different parents,or your brothers or sisters would just go away? marriage is the same....after so many years with the same person you can go a little crazy...their cute little quirks could become annoying habits,and you go through whole days without saying i love you or any kind of physical contact...

is it the end? absolutely not! a marriage CAN be salavaged once it reaches this point...sometimes this could be the wake-up call to rekindle the love you once had,as you step away from your mate only to discover you DON'T want to live without them...unfortunately,the opposite can also be true,and i've witnessed many a marriage be destroyed beyond repair when one goes out and tries to calm the restles spirit by relations with others,to the point of sleeping with them,only to discover when this "phase" is over and they realize they want their husband/wife,that he/she is lost to them becuase they took it to far with someone else....

like i said,each relationship/marriage is it's own entity,and only those involved can decide if it's worth salvaging......when you served her the papers,you most likely shattered her world...she figured she could go out and have some fun,with the knowledge in the back of her head that when/if she decided to stop being an ass,then she could return to you....you have now removed the safe-fallback option for her,and that's why she's pissed....either now she makes it on her own,or not at all....i fgiure she will do one of 2 things when she calms down:

A) begs to come back...she made a mistake,she really loves you,she's sorry,etc...
B) she'll be pissed off and possibly jump into a bit of promiscuity to cope,to kill the pain of what you did....she also most likely won't talk to you for a long time...

Wise words!

[Trance Viper]

Sadly, in order for a marriage to work....1 person has to be the submissive. ;) So you're next girl....make sure she's a trainwreck (daddy issues or abandonment issues are good) -- she will never leave you no matter what you do.

I wouldn't say that. You could do something that will make her leave you.............................be nice to her and treat her like a lady. Scares em off every time. ;)

[TheWho]

Well guys, we had a long conversation, and am filing for Divorce today. She says she loves me soooo much, but want to be alone. I don't understand this. So I told her that I am not playing any more games, and I am filing today. She was super angry when I said this. But I can't take anymore pain. Thank god I have MMA class tonight. I can take out my anger there. I will be cancelling my broadband in the next couple of days, and fully moving out. But I will talk to you guys on my breaks at work. Thanks for all of your support. You all are the best. God Bless.:o

Sorry to read that but it's probably for the best. Take comfort in the fact that this didn't happen when you had kids of your own with her. You'd think a mother's priorities involve a stable home and family for her kid, especially after going through a failed relationship (with the kid's father). But it seems her kid is the last thing she's thinking about right now as her main concern is partying like it's 1999. Good parents put their children first.

And remember, this too shall pass.

[The Amazing Mutato]

I don't know what to think. I really can't think of anything I did wrong. I told her she was beautiful every day. I told her I love her every day. I was the one who cooked and cleaned. I was father and mother to her son. Now I am very close to my step son. I have sat and talked to her, but she will not budge. She is set on going out with her friends to night clubs and bars. I am to the point where I don't like fighting anymore. I still love her, but now my hands are tied. I just want her not to hang out at nightclubs and bars. I said she can go out with her friends. She told me to go screw myself, I'm not her dad, and can do whatever she wants to do. So I am done with her.

[evilundertaker]

I don't know what to think. I really can't think of anything I did wrong. I told her she was beautiful every day. I told her I love her every day. I was the one who cooked and cleaned. I was father and mother to her son. Now I am very close to my step son. I have sat and talked to her, but she will not budge. She is set on going out with her friends to night clubs and bars. I am to the point where I don't like fighting anymore. I still love her, but now my hands are tied. I just want her not to hang out at nightclubs and bars. I said she can go out with her friends. She told me to go screw myself, I'm not her dad, and can do whatever she wants to do. So I am done with her.

honestly...if she can't even look past her selfish desires and see that this will cause MASSIVE trauma to her son,then,really,she isn't worth it.....

i do have one question,though (and i probably missed the answer in a earlier post),but is the club-hopping thing an everynight occurance? or just every now and then? just curious because every month or 2 i like to go out with my buddies to a bar or a game or such to let off some steam.....and my wife goes out with her friends too,to a bar or such if they want.....obviously,though,this is not acceptable behavior if she does it several times a week and in the process neglects her role as a mother.....

[Prof. Hemispheres]

My advice:
TRUST NO ONE.
Stay single and use your hand.
It won't lie to you, cheat on you, backstab you or play with your head (well....sort of).

[evilundertaker]

My advice:
TRUST NO ONE.
Stay single and use your hand.
It won't lie to you, cheat on you, backstab you or play with your head (well....sort of).
unless you're Michael Cane!

[Knockworstface]

My advice:
TRUST NO ONE.
Stay single and use your hand.
It won't lie to you, cheat on you, backstab you or play with your head (well....sort of).


Lol.:D

[mmevile]

I wouldn't say that. You could do something that will make her leave you.............................be nice to her and treat her like a lady. Scares em off every time. ;)You've never come across "those" girls that stay w/ their man no matter how lousy he treats her. There's a reason why that happens......I'm telling you -- that's the recipe for a long relationship. :D

[EDBSIP]

give her the time and space she needs. if she feels that you are the one for her, she'll want to get back together. but if not, then I guess it wasnt meant to be. if anything, try to be in her son's life, just like you have since day one. i'm sure she wont object to that. good luck!

[Apocalypticon]

I don't know what to think. I really can't think of anything I did wrong. I told her she was beautiful every day. I told her I love her every day. I was the one who cooked and cleaned. I was father and mother to her son. Now I am very close to my step son. I have sat and talked to her, but she will not budge. She is set on going out with her friends to night clubs and bars. I am to the point where I don't like fighting anymore. I still love her, but now my hands are tied. I just want her not to hang out at nightclubs and bars. I said she can go out with her friends. She told me to go screw myself, I'm not her dad, and can do whatever she wants to do. So I am done with her.

sounds like she's not really mature enough to handle an actual, serious relationship right now. and, to be brutally honest, it scares me to know that someone who's top priority is hitting the clubs and getting drunk has a son. christ. i feel bad for the kid.

anyway, hope things work out, and if not, it's probably for the best....

[BiBLE]

I bet she's already cheating.. . or however it's being classified.

[EDBSIP]

and if she doesnt even want to talk it out before taking the time apart, then there may be more to it then at first glance

[kawai7]

she said that she never got to know what it feels like to be a teenager and she's also 25????

translation - she wants to party it up, get drunk and meet guys

[Trance Viper]

You've never come across "those" girls that stay w/ their man no matter how lousy he treats her. There's a reason why that happens......I'm telling you -- that's the recipe for a long relationship. :D

Oh all the time. It just seems like the worthwhile chicks always end up with some **shole and the "good guys" are always left in the dust.

[EL Uno]

What the hell happened in that month? Seems like an interesting story and it might help Mutato to read it. That and it will satisfy my morbid curiosity.

I'll try to sum it up and get back to ya. Im beat and have to go to bed.

[BiBLE]

she said that she never got to know what it feels like to be a teenager and she's also 25????

translation - she wants to party it up, get drunk and meet guys

If that's the case, I wouldn't take her back.
The pattern tends to go that she will hook up with a few guys, settle with one, he'll screw up her life real good. She will be too embaressed to come back to a good thing she had with you or try and come back.
At that point, you put your foot down, turn on the lawn sprinklers and hope that she runs off.
That's not fair for you to go back to something someone has just been at.

[Savage Spawn]

"You should keep your hoe on a leash..hey hey hey hey hey...*****es runnin wild man."
Sorry this is happening to you bro, keep on keeping on.

[The Amazing Mutato]

honestly...if she can't even look past her selfish desires and see that this will cause MASSIVE trauma to her son,then,really,she isn't worth it.....

i do have one question,though (and i probably missed the answer in a earlier post),but is the club-hopping thing an everynight occurance? or just every now and then? just curious because every month or 2 i like to go out with my buddies to a bar or a game or such to let off some steam.....and my wife goes out with her friends too,to a bar or such if they want.....obviously,though,this is not acceptable behavior if she does it several times a week and in the process neglects her role as a mother.....

She wants to go out 1 to 2 times a week. But she does not want to come home. I go to work at 4:00 a.m. and my son would be alone in the house.

[The Amazing Mutato]

My advice:
TRUST NO ONE.
Stay single and use your hand.
It won't lie to you, cheat on you, backstab you or play with your head (well....sort of).

I REALLY don't think I will have a problem finding another woman to bang. The thing is, I love my wife, and want to be with her.

[BiBLE]

I REALLY don't think I will have a problem finding another woman to bang. The thing is, I love my wife, and want to be with her.
There is quality and then there is quantity.
Beware of the rebound fat chick. It will only bring you a world of hurt.
Meanwhile, your eX will be getting it like never before.

Kinda like McDonalds. That's all you ever eat and it's not bad. Even the McPlayland there is pretty good despite the little kids that pee on the bottom of the slide. Then, you discover the Japanese Sushi Bar Steak House with the greatest toy diving "claw" machine and aquarium with giant fish down the road. Never again will you eat at McDonalds.

Meanwhile, on the homefront, McDonalds closes down for whatever reason. You are forced to go somewhere else. That little taco shack hooked up to the back of a rusty '92 Dodge van is not bad, hell, it's even cheap, but you are not really too fond of people passing by seeing you eat there.

[evilundertaker]

She wants to go out 1 to 2 times a week. But she does not want to come home. I go to work at 4:00 a.m. and my son would be alone in the house.yeah,that's a problem then.....going out and letting off steam every now and then is one thing......going out every week and not WANTING to be home in time to care for your son is another......to a certain degree,she is also abandoning her son as well,a real c#@t thing to do....you should talk to your divorce lawyer about trying to get custody of your son....it will be tough,with you not being the biological father,but if you can show and prove there is a pattern of neglect there (i.e. going out and getting trashed while not caring if the boy will be left alone) you might hae a decent case....

[Wofford29]

No offense, but it sounds to me like if she's 25 and has a kid from someone other than you, that she had plenty of fun as a teenager. Maybe a little to much. In my opinion she's wanting to revert back to the time she missed while she was pregnant and after she had her child. She made that decision, she needs to grow up and live with it. Whether she loves you and wants to be with you only she'll know. No matter what though, she needs to get over herself and realize it's not about her anymore. She has a kid!

[joe0750]

Wanting to go out all the time and leave your kid at home IS acting like a teenager, so congratulations to her. She succeeded. Now, if she wants to be an adult, she needs to suck it up and make her marriage work. My wife cut and ran on me and it is bullcrap. I sat around for 2 years waiting which is where you are and it didn't get me anything. I hope to goodness your situation turns out though because there is a lot to be said for us guys who will do whatever it takes to make it work with someone who is too selfish to do that themselves.

[evilundertaker]

Wanting to go out all the time and leave your kid at home IS acting like a teenager, so congratulations to her. She succeeded. Now, if she wants to be an adult, she needs to suck it up and make her marriage work. My wife cut and ran on me and it is bullcrap. I sat around for 2 years waiting which is where you are and it didn't get me anything. I hope to goodness your situation turns out though because there is a lot to be said for us guys who will do whatever it takes to make it work with someone who is too selfish to do that themselves.


couldn't of put it better myself.....the myth of the cheating husband leaving his wife for a younger woman is just that...a myth....all i ever see or hear is how the wife either left or cheated on the husband,who faithfully stays at home with the kid(s) and waits for his wife to come to her senses......and,9 times out of 10,she does....but it is usually too late and after she did something horrible like divorce and marry another guy who usually treats her like dirt,or she cheats and then figures she can just forget it and run right back,believing things will be the same way they were....it's utter crap....and,honestly,it's time for the women of this world to realize that WE are the ones who are faithful,we are the ones who are being stepped on,and,dammit,we're just not going to sit back and take it anymore!

sorry for the little rant there.....it's just women who decide one day to just say "screw it!" and leave their kids and husbands behind just really pisses me off......

my wife and i had our problems,but she never left,and never cheated....if she had,i probably would be amongst the singles here again,because i would not put up with that...no way,no how...

[F0RSAK3N]

sorry to hear about it, bro. My 'rents got divorced when I was a kid and I don't have a lot of trust in me because of that. Of course living around a bunch of "dancers" and "working girls" probably doesn't help. ;) Well, it helps in certain ways...

[The Amazing Mutato]

sorry to hear about it, bro. My 'rents got divorced when I was a kid and I don't have a lot of trust in me because of that. Of course living around a bunch of "dancers" and "working girls" probably doesn't help. ;) Well, it helps in certain ways...

That is what I need! I need a night of "dancers" and "working girls"

That would make me feel better!:)

[Fez]

Marriage Counsellor! Fast. You both have to go together. There is an obvious communication problem here because it looks like she is speaking in code.

[F0RSAK3N]

Let me know when you can get in town. :) I'm off Tue and Wed night. There are a lot of them here and I know two that are kinda cool.

[Outkastxleo]

sorry to hear about all this bro, hope all works out well.......
you are going to lose HELLAAAAAAAA weight!!! Get yolked and get a model chick....

[Outkastxleo]

Wanting to go out all the time and leave your kid at home IS acting like a teenager, so congratulations to her. She succeeded. Now, if she wants to be an adult, she needs to suck it up and make her marriage work. My wife cut and ran on me and it is bullcrap. I sat around for 2 years waiting which is where you are and it didn't get me anything. I hope to goodness your situation turns out though because there is a lot to be said for us guys who will do whatever it takes to make it work with someone who is too selfish to do that themselves.

My wifes cousin does that crap and it irritates me!!

she just had a newborn daughter and recently she left her newborn with her mom to go out to a club...i told my wife that her being a mother to a newborn she needs to bond with that child.......im going to go smoke now......bad parenting if you ask me

[WIP1]

Take a look at the advice from Inxlinx. My wife and I nearly ended up divorced after 14 years of marriage. I couldn't fix her. Couldn't stop her. But I laid it all on the line, willing to go through hell and back if that's what it took....and it nearly did. But by God's intervention....and I won't go into details because you guys wouldn't believe it if I did....we BOTH came to realizations of the parts we'd played in some difficulties in our relationship and were both willing to work on those for the long haul. It's been an entirely new, different, better relationship than we'd ever known before. Not perfect, and the temptation to give in to some of those old habits still dances around the edges at times, but we changed for the better for good.

I believe in keeping my word, and I gave it when we were married. I didn't give myself the option to "move on" and wouldn't until she had closed the door on the relationship for good. The impact on our kids was a huge factor, but I also realized I had not lived up to the promises I had made the day I married her, had not honored her in the way she deserved. I couldn't change her or make her come back. But I could change my behavior and continue to "love" her, even when I was angry with her -- "love" in actions that speak infinitely more loudly than words.

[F0RSAK3N]

I believe in keeping my word, and I gave it when we were married. I

I believe in keeping my word as well, which is why I'm not married. Glad to hear you were able to improve your relationship, I think people like you are in the minority in America today.