PHATSO
11-15-2008, 01:23 AM
This is something that I've kept to myself for quite some time, but it's been such a positive life-changing experience that I think it's time to share my theory.
When I'm at home and no one's around, I walk on all fours (my hands and knees/feet). I've been doing this for about five months now and I've noticed some definite benefits of adopting this style of transportation, and I've been able to think of many contributions to the health and wellbeing of society in general if everyone were to do the same.
Before I explain, think of the fastest land animals on the planet. Several come to mind: the cheetah, gazelle, greyhound, and others. What do they all have in common? They all use four limbs (legs) to move from one point to another. Could this be a coincidence? It's doubtful.
Why, then, wouldn't it be beneficial for people to move around on all fours? I think it would be, and in fact, I know it is because I've been doing it for almost half a year! Think: why do people have such naturally thick skin on their knees? Is that a coincidence? Why is the human ankle bone so weak? It's because our habit of being bipedal is detrimental to our health!
Here is a list of things I've noticed after performing this experiment on myself at length:
- Increased awareness/reaction time. A horizontal position ensures a greater flow of blood to the brain than a vertical one.
- Little to no back problems. The human spine is clearly not well-suited for the strain and stress that it's constantly subjected to in a bipedal lifestyle. All scientists and physicians agree that this is a fact.
- Increased upper-body strength. When adopting an all-fours lifestyle, the responsibility of transportation is no longer segregated between the upper and lower halves of the human body. Thus, the legs no longer need to be overworked, and the upper body gets important exercise not available to it during a two-legged lifestyle.
- Decreased chances of foot-injury. Not only is the human ankle an extremely weak joint that's insufficient for carrying the entire rest of the body, but by being closer to the ground when on all fours you're more aware of dangerous staples or shards of glass that you may have overlooked in a bipedal position and accidentally stepped on.
- No more side-stitches/stickers. That sharp pain in the side of your abdomen you sometimes feel after running or walking for a length of time is due to the poor placement of the liver. A quadrupedal lifestyle solves this problem.
- Regular bowel movements (?). I don't have an explanation for this one, but I've been remarkably regular ever since I started walking on all my limbs and I doubt we can just chalk it up to chance.
In addition to these personally experienced benefits, allow me to make some hypothetical predictions about a world in which the bipedal conspiracy is exposed and a new age of four-legged enlightenment dawns:
- Hospitals would be free to treat more patients since ankle, spine, and other vertically-induced injuries would be at an all time low.
- Racism and prejudice of all kinds would be dealt a serious blow from the subconscious psychological impacts of everybody on earth having their eyes at the same height, negating many physical differences and emphasizing sameness and brotherhood.
- Buildings would begin to be built with much lower ceilings, doubling the amount of floors they would have in comparison to an old "bipedalized" house of the same volume. I don't think I need to explain how important this is in light of the recent population boom.
These are just some of the benefits that society would reap if we would all adopt a quadrupedal lifestyle. Even if the idea seems strange, I implore you to just try it for a day or two. I guarantee you will see a remarkable difference!
"Four legs good, two legs bad." - George Orwell, Animal Farm
When I'm at home and no one's around, I walk on all fours (my hands and knees/feet). I've been doing this for about five months now and I've noticed some definite benefits of adopting this style of transportation, and I've been able to think of many contributions to the health and wellbeing of society in general if everyone were to do the same.
Before I explain, think of the fastest land animals on the planet. Several come to mind: the cheetah, gazelle, greyhound, and others. What do they all have in common? They all use four limbs (legs) to move from one point to another. Could this be a coincidence? It's doubtful.
Why, then, wouldn't it be beneficial for people to move around on all fours? I think it would be, and in fact, I know it is because I've been doing it for almost half a year! Think: why do people have such naturally thick skin on their knees? Is that a coincidence? Why is the human ankle bone so weak? It's because our habit of being bipedal is detrimental to our health!
Here is a list of things I've noticed after performing this experiment on myself at length:
- Increased awareness/reaction time. A horizontal position ensures a greater flow of blood to the brain than a vertical one.
- Little to no back problems. The human spine is clearly not well-suited for the strain and stress that it's constantly subjected to in a bipedal lifestyle. All scientists and physicians agree that this is a fact.
- Increased upper-body strength. When adopting an all-fours lifestyle, the responsibility of transportation is no longer segregated between the upper and lower halves of the human body. Thus, the legs no longer need to be overworked, and the upper body gets important exercise not available to it during a two-legged lifestyle.
- Decreased chances of foot-injury. Not only is the human ankle an extremely weak joint that's insufficient for carrying the entire rest of the body, but by being closer to the ground when on all fours you're more aware of dangerous staples or shards of glass that you may have overlooked in a bipedal position and accidentally stepped on.
- No more side-stitches/stickers. That sharp pain in the side of your abdomen you sometimes feel after running or walking for a length of time is due to the poor placement of the liver. A quadrupedal lifestyle solves this problem.
- Regular bowel movements (?). I don't have an explanation for this one, but I've been remarkably regular ever since I started walking on all my limbs and I doubt we can just chalk it up to chance.
In addition to these personally experienced benefits, allow me to make some hypothetical predictions about a world in which the bipedal conspiracy is exposed and a new age of four-legged enlightenment dawns:
- Hospitals would be free to treat more patients since ankle, spine, and other vertically-induced injuries would be at an all time low.
- Racism and prejudice of all kinds would be dealt a serious blow from the subconscious psychological impacts of everybody on earth having their eyes at the same height, negating many physical differences and emphasizing sameness and brotherhood.
- Buildings would begin to be built with much lower ceilings, doubling the amount of floors they would have in comparison to an old "bipedalized" house of the same volume. I don't think I need to explain how important this is in light of the recent population boom.
These are just some of the benefits that society would reap if we would all adopt a quadrupedal lifestyle. Even if the idea seems strange, I implore you to just try it for a day or two. I guarantee you will see a remarkable difference!
"Four legs good, two legs bad." - George Orwell, Animal Farm